| WELCOME TO DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #102! |
~!~
HIYA! Your wrestler
of the week is the truly great Aja Kong- the daughter of a japanese woman
and An African-American Air Force Serviceman (a man that Aja has
never met). With this already against her in the Xenophobic, very
patriarchial and close-knit society of Japan, just the fact that she has
risen to the top of her profession is a true triumph of the spirit.
The fact that she became a a wrestler of such proficiency that her in-ring
psychology and depth of character is unequalled in her role as a monster
heel and the fact that she started the fascinating and ground-breaking
ARSION promotion right off the heels of the devastating loss of her mother
makes her a true inspiration to fellow human beings everywhere. In other
things here in Death Valley Land, we are kinda toying with the Tomato Can
Of The Week Idea that Ripper unknowingly coined last week, so we may each
take turns tackling a preposterously high hanging fastball of a tape every
week. Schneider will test the Tomato-Can-As-Viable-Shtuff-To-Do waters
this week. WHIP ASS~! HEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S that filthy animal
REV RAY-RAY......
~@~
!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ JWP/Battlarts
King & Queen Tournament (REV RAY DUFFY!):
Battlarts and JWP promoted a 6 person
tag league this year, it was a big ol' batch of goofy fun. The rules
were that it was elimination tags and over the top rope counted as an elimination.
Takeshi Ono/Ran Yu
Yu/Mach Junji vs. Daisuke Ikeda/Devil asami/Kayoko Haruyama:
Devil starts out with Pink Boy Junji.
Apparently, someone slipped grandma some spanish fly because she's all
frisky. As Ikeda and Devil give Junji a double vertical suplex, Devil
starts pulling on Junji's tights so his unit pops out. Thankfully,
this is digitized by the good folks at Battlestation. After taking
some abuse from all 3 of his opponents, Junji tags out to Yu Yu who gets
in a few shots before Ono, sporting what could best be described as the
Go Go Dodo from Tiny Toons hair design puts the boots to Haruyama.
Kayoko takes a beating, but gets in abrief flurry of offense before taking
a spiked piledriver by Ono/Yu Yu and Ono puts her away with an octopus
hold. Devil gets taken down by Mach and the bando del rudos
get in some triple teams and do a few poses, the circle flex following
3 elbow drops and the "I'm flying" dance following another move.
Mach gets crotched on the top rope and Devil kicks the buckle to add more
damage. Devil puts Junji away with a spiked powerbomb. Ono
works over Devil a bit with knees. He tries for a suplex, but can't
hit it. They do some reversals which ends with Ono kicking Devil
low from behind. Devil starts selling it and Ono gets this goofy
look on his face. All of a sudden, Devil turns around and realizes,
she doesn't have the equipment to be selling that so she splits the uprights
on Ono. Yu Yu gets the tag and runs into a Ikeda boot. Ikeda
takes mercy on her, well, sort of by putting her in the Neblina, complete
with pose. Yu Yu escapes a Ikeda german suplex with a low blow and
tags in Ono. Ono and Ikeda are both eliminated when Ikeda goes for
a samoan drop on Ono and Yu Yu drop kicks them both over the top, leaving
it down to Devil and Yu Yu. Devil eliminates Yu Yu pretty quickly
with what looks like a belly to back suplex lift into a Fire Thunder piledriver.
Alexander Otsuka/Hikari
Fukuoka/Azumi Hyuga vs. Yuki Ishikawa/Kana Mizaki/Tsubasa Kuragaki :
Early on Hikari works over Tsubasa
with a chin lock, all 4 of the women run in to break up the hold or save
their partner. This continues until Yuki, looking like a drunken frat boy
looking for love in all the wrong places comes in and all the girls scatter
out of the ring. Otsuka and Ishikawa work back and forth on the mat exchanging
holds until Yuki dumps him with a suplex. Tsubasa enters with a top rope
drop kick. Alexander looks like he's going to german suplex her, but Kana
runs in and kicks him low and the two women start double teaming him.
They tease a spot where Alexander almost goes out following a missed body
press. Alexander saves himself, holds Yuki in his corner so the women
can slap him and tags out. Hikari works against Tsubasa and eliminates
her with a moonsault. The story continues to be Yuki's willingness
to make the save for his partner particularly when the person assaulting
them is a woman. Ishikawa requests that Alexander tag out to Hikari.
THey do and Ishikawa takes Hikari down and has a big grin on his face.
Hikari's partner's make the save for her and Azumi tags in. Azumi
tries for a giant swing and it's even worse than the one Jericho used.
Yuki comes up with something to counter it (again, another big grin) but
Alexander puts the boot to him and saves his partner and tags back in.
Yuki controls Alexander with a sleeper hold. Alexander fights back and
hits a rana, takes to Hikari. Hikari hits a rana that gets a two,
but after the kick out, the look on Ishikawa's face lets us all know that
this is without a doubt, his favorite match of all time. So much
so that I think he tags out to Mizaki just so he can try to wipe the smile
off his face. Azumi works over Kana's back for the next few minutes.
Kana gets beat up for a few, including an assisted lift by Hikari on Azumi
over her head so she could land a double stomp on Kana. Otsuka hits
a splash on Mizaki. Ishikawa runs in for the save and the gals double
drop toe hold him so he lands on Mizaki. It should be noted that
Ishikawa didn't look too upset about this misqueue. He does take
the opportunity to trap Azumi and pick her up for a body slam. Well,
he picked her up and acted like he was going to slam her, but I don't think
he wanted to move where his hand was so instead he puts her down easy and
then slaps a keylock wristlock on her. Yuki works the arm repeatedly
and then the leg with Azumi's parnters making the save. Azumi goes
low with a headbutt and tags to Alexander who hits the german suplex and
a giant swing. The women double drop kick Yuki over the top but he
hangs on for dear life. After not being able to knock him off himself,
Alexander pleads with the women to do something. They tease a double
headbutt, but instead deliever a double smooch. Yuki gets weak in
the knees and then is eliminated. Kana gets triple teamed, her partner
saves her from a boston crab/double wakigatame combo. Mizaki fights
back, but it's a little too late as she takes an enzu-knee from the top
by Azumi for the final elimination.
Dynamite Kansai/Mohammed
Yone/Maya Hashimoto vs. Daisuke Ikeda/Devil Masami/Kayoko Haruyama :
Each team has a nickname/gimmick
for the tournament. For some reason, Dynamite's team is doing something
with what looks like spatulas. Yone and Kansai act goofy and accasionally
bop Maya with one. Yone calls out Devil at the start of the match
and then backs down when he realizes that she's not afraid of him.
Maya tags in and his killed with one clothesline. They do a spot
with Yone and Haruyama where she lures him into a kiss and gets in a few
stomps and a splash before running into an abdominal stretch and getting
stretch bombed. Devil tags in and starts beating Yone. Yone
hits Devil with an inverted atomic drop, repeat kick spot from match one.
There's a weird spot where Yone and Dynamite team up on Devil. After
Yone runs into her boot, Devil says something to Kansai who lets Devil
go. Devil runs to her corner and starts choking Ikeda for some reason.
Dynamite sneaks in behind her and sets her up for Splash Mountain.
But as she's got her up, Ikeda runs in and well... cops a feel. Devil
gets dropped on the apron and Ikeda picks up Dynamite and tosses her out
leading to a double elimination. Ikeda and Yone mix it up and it
ends pretty quick when Yone clotheslines Ikeda over the top. Post
match, Devil yells at Ikeda but then says "come here and give grandma a
hug" as everyone gets a chuckle at the post match antics. This was
a real quick match, 7 minutes long.
Carlos Amano/Commando
Bolshoi/Katsumi Usuda v. Alexander Otsuka/Hikari Fukaoka/Azumi Hyugi:
This is clipped. They do a
spot where everyone puts everone in an ankle lock so there end up in a
circle. The women double team on Usuda. Azumi hits some
german suplexes on Usuda, but he catches her in a wrist lock for the tap
out. Bolshoi does her rope walk on Hikari and then does
it backwards when she realizes she's heading into Otsuka in the corner.
Hikari gets in a rope walk. Otsuka teases doing it but instead just
does the Jinsei walk on the mat and stomps her. They do a reversal
spot which ends in Alexander giving Bolshoi a pretty evil german suplex
which takes her out of the match. Alexander and Usuda mix it up.
Usuda and Amano hit a doomsday device on Alexander and Carlos tries to
get the submission on Alexander, but Hikari makes the save. Amano
tries to unsuccessfully head butt Otsuka who drops her with one of his
own. Carlos blocks a bodyslam with a kneebar and tags out.
Usuda misses an uraken attempt and both he and Alexander go over the top.
Amano and Hikari banter with Otsuka who stays at ringside. Amano
works on Hikari's arm with a number of cross armbreaker variations.
The partners at ringside liberally interfere causing a few near over the
top rope eliminations. Amano kicks out of a tiger driver for a near
fall and Hikari rope saves out of a cross armbreaker. Finish comes
with Hikari reversing a reverse roll up to score the pin.
Finals: Dynamite Kansai/Mohammed
Yone/Maya Hashimoto v. Alexander Otsuka/Hikari Fukuoka/Azumi Hyuga:
This starts with Alexander teasing
Kansai about something, probably about her chest which has Kansai
teasing that she's going to open her top and flash him or something.
Maya starts out of Azumi and gets in some offense. Including a series
of russian leg sweeps before tagging in Dynamite. Dynamite hits a
suplex and the scorpion deathlock. Alexander makes the save with some headbutts.
He tags in and Dynamite pulls down the singlet off his chest. As
he covers up, she kicks him. You can tell everyone's having a good
time as Dynamite cracks a smile as she whips Alexander into the ropes.
Yone tags in and Alexander tries to call a time out so he can pull up his
top, but Yone will have none of it. Otsuka works over Yone's arm.
They do the triple team move into the boston crab/double wakigatame on
Yone. Otsuka busts out the tope suicida on Yone. Hikari runs
in and knocks the women off the apron. She hits a moonsault off the
post to the floor on all three of the opposing team and in the process
eliminatesherself. Maya works over Azumi with a top rope ipponzei
and a diving elbow drop for two. Azumi its a german for two but Dynamite
saves as Hikari does something to Yone to stop him from running in.
Hashimoto gets eliminated following a top rope drop kick by Azumi.
Yone gets one in the gnads from Azumi. Otsuka moves in for the kill,
but Dynamite runs him off by threaten to open her top again. The
battle of the Love Warriors goes on as Yone gets the advantage on Alexander.
Kansai and Yone hit sandwich laraits on Alexander. Yone hits the
stretch bomb for two. Yone telegraphs a lariat attempt and runs into
an uranage for two. Alexander hits an evil german suplex for two.
Alexander holds up Yone and Azumi drop kicks him in the butt to send Yone
out. As Alexander gloats, Dynamite runs in and tosses him out leaving
Dynamite and Azumi. Azumi knocks Dynamite out to the apron and then
gets over anxious and almost eliminates herself. They tease Azumi
going out, but when she ducks a Kansi high roundhouse kick, Kansai gets
pulled out over the top and despite fighting real hard, gets sent to the
floor. Otsuka, Hikari and Azumi win the tournament.
The show ends with the winners in towels at some sort of spa. Ishikawa crashes the party by joining them in at the spa.
Overall, it was goofy, but it was fun too.
~@~
%^%^%^%%^%^% AJW TV
- Aired 11/12/95 (PHIL THE RIPPER RIPPA!)
While the girlfriend is away, I
can break out the women's wrestling. We start off with footage of Akira
Hokuto and Kensuki Sasuki's wedding which makes me even happier that my
girlfriend is not around.
Lioness Asuka vs. Kyoko
Inoue:
Remember the time that these two
had that really good match. And remember the time when Asuka hung Inoue
from the balcony. Well none of that is contained in this match. The match
doesn't last very long after Inoue rolls out to the ring. Asuka manages
to haul Inoue's fat ass up for the world's shortest powerbomb. Inoue wins
with a roll up that comes out of nowhere. That was horribly disappointing.
Aja Kong vs. Takako
Inoue:
Aja's our wrestler of the week.
Whoo-Hoo!!!! Two Birds! Two Birds! Two Birds! One Stone! It should be fairly
obvious to everyone who is going over in this match. That fact takes away
from the match as you know none of Inoue's offense is deadly enough to
take out Aja so the only suspense left is whether or not Aja is going to
make a little girl cry. Inoue gets some credit by immediately going after
Aja's leg. ATTACKING A POINT OF BALANCE. YES! That will be pretty much
the end of Inoue's contribution to this match. Aja dominates almost the
entire match with the story being that Aja goes through about 65% of her
MOVE SET without getting the win which is really frustrating for her because
she feels that she should be able to win easier. Inoue does her spots and
takes her beating like she should. Aja takes it easy until she crushes
Inoue's orbital bone to finally end things.
Sakie Hasegawa/Kaoru
Ito vs. Manami Toyota/Mariko Yoshida:
Toyota and Yoshida hit the never-ending
elbow drop to start of the match which is a nice touch. Nothing concrete
takes place during the first half of the match as the girls aggravate me
by randomly slapping on restholds. Oh, we're going to work on your leg.
No wait, we're going to work on your back. No, no, we'll focus on your
stomach. That last one happens because Ito loves the foot stomp. Her motto
"When in doubt, crush some ribs." Of course, when one does the foot
stomp off the ring apron, I will cut you some slack. Cool Moment - Despite
being in the single leg Boston Crab, Toyota talks some shit to Ito. Yoshida
takes three suplexes straight on her head. Someone needs to teach her to
stop over-rotating. Aah, the ignorance of youth. The second half picks
up the match as all the big moves arrive. Yoshida hits a double jump plancha
while Toyota hits a no-hand plancha that the camera almost misses. Hasegawa
tries to get her team back in it with a wicked powerbomb but it is too
late as Toyota and Yoshida have already kicked into another gear. Toyota
shows everyone how to do a moonsault by rotating over in about two-tenths
of a second. She tries another but gets greeted with a set of knees. Hasegawa
goes to the top herself, gets caught and gets rolled up by Toyota. The
second half was enjoyable but it was lacking in a couple of areas. The
number one thing was that the match was completely heatless. Oh well, can't
save them all, Hasseloff.
Akira Hokuto/Mima Shimoda
vs. Bull Nakano/Tomoko Watanabe:
This bad boy is two out of three
falls for the WWWA World Tag Titles. On a personal note, I forgot how freakin'
HOT Akira Hokuto is. Okay, sorry. Hokuto comes out wearing both titles
around her waist which Shimoda doesn't mind at all. I guess she is just
happy to be there. She is taking it one day at a time and trying to make
a contribution to the team. Blink and you miss the first fall. I will give
you a play by play. Bell rings. Nakano chokes Hokuto. Watanabe hits the
Backdrop Driver on Shimoda for the pin. Sneeze and you miss the second
fall. Shimoda rallies and hits a top rope Tiger Suplex to take the second
fall about 30 seconds after the first fall ended. Watanabe does these neat
follow-through armdrags that I am sure she stole from someone. Nakano dominates
Shimoda for awhile while Hokuto gets antsy on the sidelines. Eventually,
everyone gets involved which leads to the requisite high spots as Shimoda
does a stutter step tope and Hokuto trumps her with a tope con hilo. Back
in the ring and Hokuto uses a horrible victory roll take down on Nakano
to set up an armbar submission for the win.
Post match interview sees Hokuto
bitch about how Aja ate all of the wedding
cake.
~*~
$%$%$%$%$%$%$Pennsylvania
Championship Wrestling TV 5/16/98. (PHIL SCHNEIDER)
I gets the tomato can this week.
PCW is one of the better Indies on the East Coast. This was an episode
of their TV show, while the production was weak and the commentary was
passable at best, there was some fun little wrestling matches on this show
Julio Sanchez vs. Christian
Cage:
Julio has a big rep on the Indy
scene, but he has never really impressed me much. This is one of his better
matches, as he takes on Sports Entertainer Christian. The match it self
was pretty good with some nice BACK AND FORTH ACTION!, and Christian doing
a nice job on selling the arm. Move highlight was the rolling veritical
suplexes into a facebuster by the erstwhile member of the even Newer Brood.
The ending was kind of screwy and schoolboy-intensive, but it gets the
full Jakked point.
Dirty Don Montoya/Peligro
vs. Mike Quakenbush/Inferno Kid:
Mike Quakenbush is a fun little
wrestler, he has watched tons of Michinoku Pro six-man matches, and fearlessly
steals from them. He did a bunch of neat spots in this tag match including
the slide through into a boston crab, a tope which was AAA'ed by the camera
crew, a multiple shotay spot and a Psicosis springboard into a top rope
rana. Don Montoya sold the flying stuff well and bumped good for such a
chunkster, Inferno Kid stayed out of the way and Peligro was quite the
suplex machine- including a swank captured arm fishermans suplex. Mike
gets the clean win with a double jump twisting senton which was all elaborate
and In-a-good-way-goofy. Hundred Thousand Stars
Sexton Hardcastle vs.
2 Cold Scorpio:
Sexton Hardcastle is Sports Entertainer
/ Action Adventure Star Edge while 2 Cold Scorpio is well known to us all
and is seconded by a superfluous Terri Runnels. This match was darn good
as they spent most of it on the mat, doing some reasonable tricked out
mat work for an Indy match. My favorite part, was Scorpio slapping on a
crevat, like Tony St. Clair or somebody. Not much flying although Scorpio
hits his beautiful moonsault. The ending was crappy and chair intensive
and took away from the goodness of the match. PCW has the horses to challenge
APW as the best Indy in the U.S. (Now that OMEGA is basically defunct)
but they need to cut their screwjob intensive booking out.
#$#$#$#$#$#$# TORYUMON-
Dragon Caravan pt. 2!- JULY 1999 (DEAN RASMUSSEN)-
Hey, I stole this matchlist from
the WILDLY fabulous review by SCOOPSBOY Steve- King Of Men~!-so I could
review this show- which arrived on the eleventh hour from the Amazing GLENN~!
(who actually has a Richmond, VA Posse on the Public Access Show- WRESTLING
POWER '99. ORDER A SUPER GLENN~! POSSE T-SHIRT TODAY!) and I could
not concentrate on ANYTHING when I saw the name CHOCOBALL KOBE. I
wept.
Masaaki Mochizuki/Gran
Naniwa vs. Gran Hamada/Yasushi Kanda:
I was geared up to take a couple
a cheap swings at the Orihara Of His Generation- El Gran Naniwa- but other
than a few no-selling sequences with Gran Hamada- he was perfectly fine
(if quite a bit Michinoku Pro 1998 Boring As Dirt). He hit a nice
Enzuiguiri and stuff. Kanda gets beaten into paste and it's kinda
cool when Mochizuki is beating the hell out of him. Kanda gets his
shots in at the end and- as with anyone who Ultimo has taught a headlock
to- shows big signs of promise. this match runs WAAAAAY long.
The point is that they are beating the hell out Kanda and that get that
point in after about two minutes. Then it kinda keeps goin....
Genki Horiguchi vs.
Yasushi Kanda:
HEY! It's Genki Horiguchi.
He's on my personal losing streak of ONE after sucking ass in that IRWG
tape from last week (Adam, your tape will be here any moment. REALLY!)
So here ya go- TORYUMON Phase TWO! Who's gonna Rule? AND Who's gonna
be the New Millenium Hanzo Nakajima? LET'S FIND OUT NOW! Well, Genki
Horiguchi has developed a suitably goofy Surfer Gimmick- as he wears a
bodyglove, sports a dual-fin wave tool and unfortunately comes out to the
obvious "Surfing USA" by the Beach Boys. I think to myself what Madder
Phatter Props I would have offered up if our man Genki would have come
out to "In My Room" or something off of PET SOUNDS. Hell, think of
how hip he would have looked if he had made an entrance to the crappy lyrics
of Van Dyke Parks while sauntering in to something off the lost SMILEY
SMILE Brian Wilson epic. Either way, this match was really
good for a couple a greenhorns. Genki busts out his GENKIBREAKER
which is a preposterously elaborate variation of the Reverse Gory
Bomb- which is actually an already preposterously elaboratev move when
you think about it. Kanda needs to work on his elbow drops because
his are SO on the direct opposite of the spectrum of Stan Hansen's AWA
Elbow Drop Scale, but he is already the good little worker while Genki
is also a good little worker who shows flashes of a 1993 Super Delfin Goofball-To-Overness
characteristic- as he parties and freaks out in conjunction with his Tripendicular
gimmick catching a wave on the ludicrously prone Kanda. The match
itself quite a bit like Hidaka vs Fujita in that you could tell they worked
with each other extensively while training and can take a rookie match
to a higher level of moves, so this was good.
Chocoball KOBE vs.
SAITO:
Chocoball is a mixed blessing.
He is AMAZINGLY seedy looking- which will get you a LONG way here in the
Japan Indie Sleazeworld-Loving DEN OF THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS.
The problem is that with a name as amazing as CHOCOBALL KOBE, you have
GOT to have a horrendously crappy mask for a little while at least.
Instead you get this green rookie with a snake tattoo. The match
is crappy other than the fact that Judo SUWAI sneaks in and Falcon Arrows
Saito through a table off the apron and then blades Saito with the care
and loving of Wally Yamaguchi at DreamSlam One. SUWAI is fucking
great and storming up the charts as the psycho Fratboy from hell Persona
that rocks ever so righteously. Saito is usually fun, but here he
is quite the victim. Ah, Chocoball. What shall we do with you....
MAKOTO vs. Susumu Mochizuki:
WAIT! WAIT ! WAIT a minute!
How did MAKOTA exist this long without me having his every match on tape.
(While stealing ideas from Steve's review, he mentioned that MAKOTO was
from Yume Factory and wrestled in THE VISUAL GROUP. Holy SHIT! THE
VISUAL GROUP! HEY! YOU! Go start a pop band RIGHT NOW! You
have a NAME!) Anyway, MAKOTO is quite the flashy little Vampire guy
as he hits midgrade in-ring highspots and gets to biting folks- a
sort of Blitzkreig Morbius the living Vampire- without the Tope Con Hilo,
though he did hit a swanky toprope reverse Rana. The great thing
is that MAKOTO looks like the bass player for Krokus or something- with
the perm, the tight pants, the goofy make-up and pudgy face. I was
STOKED. The match is never actually good, but the ending was
kinda neat as Mochizuki hits a coupla Kanyon 1998 Facebusters and then
MAKOTO hits a truly super grade Brainbuster that was all kinds of nasty
and- HELL!- there is Mochizuki- DEAD!.
Shiima Nobunaga/TARU/Sumo
Fuji vs. Magnum Tokyo/TAKA Michinoku/Ken Arai:
TORYUMON is starting to get to the
Michinoku Pro 1997/ EMLL 1996-1999 level of greatness with these mainevent
six and eightman matches- in that most of these matches are pretty inchangable
movewise, but there is enough of a cool story to each match to keep them
from becoming repetitive- thus the basic amazingly State-Of-The Art greatness
of the matches themselves just deliver the goods at length. The two
tres cool stories in this is that SHIIMA and TAKA hate each other's stinking
guts and want to kill each other. The other story is that if Magnum
Tokyo and Taru work REALLY REALLLY stiff, it will be REALLY REALLY fricking
good. Taru is quite the least of all these guys- including Ken Arai,
because Taru has one cool finisher and beats it into the ground when
he finally gets the pin. The structure of the match was pretty cool
with SHIIMA and TAKA killing each other for a while and then CRAZY MAX
just fulking MAULS Ken Arai- including the ugliest triple dropkick to the
face in the corner on record. My other fave part is where Sumo Fuji
has KEN~! in a nerve pinch and SHIIMA stands in front of him making faces
and wringing an imaginary towel. WHAT A DICK! WOO-HOO!
Arai makes a comeback and hits his truly coolish No-Look Toprope Headbutt
and is all young and fired up and stuff. The beginning of the
finish is touched on early as Taru and Magnum beat the holy bejeebers out
of each other- with Magnum hitting a Diasuke Ikeda-level Lariat at one
point. This moves into the superlengthy section of TAKA and SHIIMA
fucking each other up with all kinds of sundry necky breaky moves.
TAKA goes for Springboard Moonsault but sidelined-but-still-active SUWAI
shakes the ropes and TAKA DIES LIKE A MAN. It then goes into the
realy great Finishers sequence where everybody hits a big finisher and
the one making the save hits a big finisher on the last guy to hit a finisher.
Taru and Magnum are finally isolated enough for Taru to get his ninetieth
chokeslam powerbomb and/or Falcon Arrow for the win. Postmatch, SHIIMA
calls everybody in Michinoku Pro a big batch of pussies and then asks Ken
Arai if he's the same Ken from all those Gamera movies- the little bastard.
Overall, this was all good or at
least neat. It's not the greatest TORYUMON tape around but the Main
Event was all kindsa good. I await TAKA vs SHIIMA with eyes open
and mouth agape.
~&~
| ########
THAT SEXY MOTHERFUCKER THAT TALKS ABOUT SHOOTFIGHTING~ YOUR MIKE NAIMARK########
Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man? MIKE! Lock up your sisters, fight fans! The ONLY MMA reviewer with the official Death Valley Driver Playboyz~! approval is back once again with one big boot to the ass of the fighting world! Tanned, rested, and ready after a balmy weekend at the Playboyz~! Mansion (where the drinks are cold, rude jokes are told, and all the girls are at least 18 years old, so you'll find no 'Lawler for Mayor' signs on the property), Mike The Mack was ready to return with another whipasstic review of all that is brutal and beautiful in the mixed martial arts. And then it occured to me - after exhaustive research into the 'fights you gotta see' for the historic DVDVR#100, I ran across a surplus of "Fights that ain't quite at that level but have really hot Latina ring girls in thongs so skimpy I can see the man in the canoe and he's paddling left-handed", and I needed an excuse to watch 'em again without raising the ire of my Mrs Mike the Mack. "But honey, its for the Playboyz~! video review! Now put on something skimpy and peel me another grape!" Such is the pampered lifestyle we so richly deserve. But enough about my luxurious standard of living! Without further ado, lets jump right in to a bevy of bodacious butt-beatins' that even Paul Varelans could enjoy! World
Vale Tudo Championships (WVC) 1 - "Brazil vs. The World" (8/4/96)
Carlos
Danilo vs. Hiroshi Oyaizu
Eugenio
Tadeu vs. Nigel Scantelbury
Hugo
Duarte vs. Harold Howard
Tournament time! Lets check in with a mix of Japan Vale Tudo rejects and International Fighting Championship rejects! What the hell happened to all the Brazilians? Fred
Floyd vs. Dennis Crowell
Micheal
Paholic vs. Denilson Maia
Richard
Heard vs. Scott Groff
Fred
Floyd vs. Micheal Paholic
David
Hood vs. Richard Heard
Tournament
Finals - Richard Heard (of cows) vs. Fred 'Boobs' Floyd
But hey, you know they'll redeem the card with the SUPERFIGHTS, right? Right? Superfight
#1 - Oleg Taktaov vs. Joe Charles
Superfight
#2 - Marco Ruas vs. Steve Jennum
Well didn't that just suck! One of the lamest events in memory, featuring some good fighters but never two fighters against each other. Interesting to note that some of these men (Taktarov, Charles, Duarte) also appeared in the World Fighting Federation PPV, which had a similarly dismal string of mismatches. Next week I'll try and wash that nasty taste from your mouths, fight fans, as I trace the Legend of the Gracies, with plenty of fightin' fun from Brazil's First Family of Fighting, plus an in-depth analysis of Rickson Gracie's wife's shapely legs! It don't get much better than that, and if it does, don't burst my bubble! $%$%$%$%$
SINGLES GETTING LUCKY! #$#$#$#$#$#$
Vitor
Belfort vs. Randy Coutre (UFC15 10/17/97)
The Fight -
Coutre’s boxing stance looks stiff and unnatural, but who could expect
anything more from an elite Greco-Roman practicioner? Belfort looks
*huge* for this fight, easily bigger by 15lbs of muscle compared to his
debut, with deltoids like grapefruits and a neck wider than his head.
Vitor strolls to the center of the ring confidantly, waiting for Coutre
to extend himself and become a target for Vitor’s rifle counterpunches.
Coutre remains conservative, so Belfort decides to finish the fight in
a hurry on his own. Belfort lunges forward, firing a barrage of straight
left-right punches while advancing forward in a square stance. And
here’s where things get interesting. Because Randy Coutre hasn’t
just been sitting at home polishing his wrestling trophies and combing
his scalp before this fight. He’s been watching tape and working
in a boxing ring, and you can tell this before he even throws a single
punch. Vitor Belfort is a right-handed fighter who likes to throw
straight punches from the shoulder while advancing with the opposite leg
to close distance and add power. When he attempts to overwhelm Coutre
with this flurry, as he has overwhelmed everyone else in his MMA career,
Coutre drops some Boxing 101 science on him. When Belfort closes
the distance and starts punching, Coutre circles towards Belfort’s left
hand, allowing him to deflect some of the snap from the powerful rights.
More importantly, when confronted with this initial barrage, Coutre doesn’t
even try to fight back; instead , he circles, keeps his hands high, and
makes no attempt to counterpunch. Belfort throws a dozen or so punches,
and none of them find home. I’d wager this a first in Belfort’s young
career. Belfort steps back and regroups before launching another
assault, this one with more forward momentum. Coutre retains his
composure and continues his excellent basic boxing defense until Vitor
is almost chest-to-chest with him, before grabbing the Brazilian and breaking
out his Greco-Roman technique and attempting a hip throw into the fence.
Vitor’s natural athleticism and balance keeps him from being deposited
on his noggin’, and they continue to grapple standing, with Coutre wisely
taking a totally defensive stance as soon as Belfort unleashes his punches.
5 minutes into the fight and Coutre scores a double-leg takedown, and here
comes the biggest surprise of the night. Vitor Belfort, the Brazilian
fighting phenom whose devestating punching was supposed to have overshadowed
his Gracie-trained jiu-jitsu technique, is almost helpless once on the
ground! Coutre dominates the ground game, shoving Belfort around
and peppering his head with forearms and short strikes. Belfort is
clearly exhausted at this point in the match; this fight has lasted longer
than all of his previous MMA matches combined! Only 7 minutes in
and Belfort is being manuvered like a stuffed dummy on the ground and Coutre
works toward the Octagon fence. With one brutal exchange, Randy Coutre
moves from side mount to drop a series of crushing kneestrikes to Vitor’s
unprotected skull. Belfort teeters on the edge of unconciousness
when referee ‘Big John’ McCarthy steps in and halts the laughter.
Randy Coutre didn’t just *beat* the man who was proclaimed ‘The Tiger Woods
of Fighting’, he utterly demolished and dismantled the myth of Belfort
as anything more than a 1-dimentional punching machine. Though this
remains the only loss on Belfort’s MMA record, he really has yet to recover
from the effect of this drubbing on his career or psyche.
|
Samurai TV :
Strong Style- NJPW 2/14/99 - Super Juniors X : 2 out of 3 falls Shinjiro
Ohtani/Koji Kanemoto/Tetsuhiro Takaiwa/Dr. Wagner Jr./Kendo Ka Shin vs.
Jushin Lyger/El Samurai/Masao Orihara/The Great Sasuke/Masaaki Mochizuki:
(REV RAY DUFFY!)
There's problems at the start as
Wagner and Kendo won't shake hands with their partners. Sasuke, who's reformed
from his heel ways does a prayer when he's intro'ed and Ohtani shoves him
because he's not putting up with any of that peaceful Buddist crap in his
ring. Koji's League of Penises determine who's starting for thier team
by throwing Kendo and Wagner out. The former Sasuke-gumi do some
triple teaming on Ohtani and put him in the surfer boy to which Sasuke
does the Delfin pose. Of course, it's priceless when Sasuke snaps
out of it and reacts like his other personality took over his body temporily
and he wonders what the hell he's doing on top of Ohtani. After getting
a pounding, Ohtani makes the tag to Kanemoto who works on El Samruai a
little until ending up in Lygers corner and having Orihara come in.
Kanemoto shrugs off Mochizuki's kicks (because he's not from New Japan
and according to Koji that means he doesn't have to sell for you.)
They do the "people's drop kick" spot with Kanemoto holding Mochizuki in
the camel clutch and Ohtani running the ropes about 8 times before doing
a drop kick, followed by Wagner running the ropes and doing the roll into
the drop kick. Wagner gets in some shots on El Samurai and offers
the tag to Ohtani but pulls his hand away when he goes for it and tags
Kendo. Sasuke falls victim to Ohtani's boot scrape routine. Lyger
and Koji mix it up a bit Lyger gets the upperhand with some shotays but
when he puts Koji up top, Wagner runs in from behind and puts him on his
shoulders. Lyger gets springdrop kicked by Ohtani, MD-II'ed by Wagner and
then moonsaulted by Kanemoto who then slaps on the kneebar on Lyger's bad
leg for the tap out in the first fall. Koji's crew jump Lyger and
keep him in the ring for the start of the next fall and work over his leg.
Lyger tags out to Samurai who gets dragon screwed by Kendo and superplexed
by Wagner, keeping the momentum on their side. Samurai escapes a
Takaiwa DVB attempt with a reverse DDT but takes a flip bump after running
into a lariat. He escapes a powerbomb with a DDT and hits the swinging
reverse DDT and tags out to Lyger. We get all 10 men in the ring
after a Lyger brainbuster on Takaiwa leading to the partners going to the
floor. Orihara does a quebrada on Ohtani where he lands mostly legs
on the railing. Lyger's partners save him from the endless powerbmb
and Samurai ends up playing whipping boy to Wagner. Samurai escapes
from Ohtani and Orihara and Mochizuki work him over. Orihara hits
the spider german and Mochizuki hits a springboard drop kick followed
by a german suplex for two which Kendo breaks up. Orihara, still hanging
upside down from the spider german falls victim to Kanemoto running in
and kicking him repeatedly while he can't defend himself. The ring
fills up again after Ohtani reverses a Mochizuki dragon suplex with a german
and hits a springboard drop kick. Ohtani argues a near fall giving
Mochizuki time to recover and hit an ax kick and his run up the ropes enzugiri.
Ohtani kicks out of a dragon suplex at two. Ohtani ducks an enzugiri and
hits the spiral bomb for the win. The cool part of this is that Lyger,
Sasuke and Samurai had Takiawa, Wagner and Kendo all hung up in the corner,
when they turned and saw that Ohtani had gotten control, the men hanging
upside down pulled their legs out from behind and held them allowing Ohtani
to score the win. Post match Kendo gets in a fight with Ohtani and as Koji
and Takaiwa push him back, Doc hits the MD-II when no one is looking and
they beat it from the ring. I've liked the 10 man tags better when they
go elimination style because it usually gives everyone a chance to show
off. I did think the finish of the second fall was pretty cool.
WWF- DICK MURDOCK/ADRIAN
ADONIS vs JACK AND JERRY BRISCO- MADISON SQUARE GARDEN: (DEAN RASMUSSEN!)
Talk about Old School. My
childhood hero-worship of Dick Murdock is pretty well documented in this
here running batch of posts so I won't bore you with more childhood sentimental
waxings. Anyway, I was over at Tim Noel's house a while ago
watching a bad PPV or taping the little Southern Champ Forum that we do
or something or another and I was reading his copy of Meltzer's OBITUARIES
and one of things that struck me about his obituary of Dick Murdock was
that he said that in the biz Murdock was known to have thrown the best
pulled punches in the business. Supposedly, he looked like he was
potatoing a fella but he was actually barely touching him. When I
got this tape from Jerry, I was SOOOOO stoked about this match and I was
especially paying attention to my personal icon's punches- and yeah, they
were pretty fucking great. The other thing about this match that
is really outstanding is that Adrian Adonis is such a fucking great wrestler
and fricking bumping FREAK. You gotta love that most people will
remember Adonis- one of the greatest North American wrestlers of the last
half century- as Adorable Adrian Adonis and his flower shop (THAT MCMAHON!
WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS! NO WONDER I DON'T WATCH WWF!). here,
he is in his element- a true ass-kicker and Old Style Heel- bumping like
a freak and making everything look Ultrafine. Of course, the fact
that they are wrestling the Briscoes make it that much cooler. This match
brought back a flood of memories of a match structure that you never see
in the US anymore. The first three quarters of the match is Murdock
selling the leg and Adonis selling the leg. MEANWHILE, One can pretty
much stick all modern tag matches in the US in the Face-In-Peril formula:
the faces getting a little offense in, a face gets in trouble and there
is a big heat segment leading to the hot tag where they go to the
finish. OOOOOOLD SCHOOL is aLLLLLL different. Here Murdock
tells the whole story of the match with ONE leg lock by Jerry Brisco.
The crowd is into Murdock selling because Murdock makes selling the irresistable
focal point of the match. Murdock makes you hate him and then you
want to see him stretched by Brisco so Murdock fills every second of the
hold with varying facial expressions and subtle body movements that convey
his struggle to escape. Each near-escape and re-application of the
hold tightens Murdocks grip on the audience as they are focused on Murdock's
struggle and Brisco's determination to break Murdock's spindly leg.
It is an art unto itself- as there is no hot tag to work for- just a section
of the match where Murdock shows the world HOW IT FUCKING FEELS and that
fact keeps the ACTUAL wrestling audience in the match more than fifty
Dangerous Backdrops or a thousand CHARISMATIC HOT PROMOS ever could.
Murdock makes the tag and Adonis is in the same predicament- as Jack really
stretches Adonis a new one, leaning into the kneejoint like a sadist.
Adonis is far more broad in his selling and the psychology is perfect as
the broadness of his selling and the big bumps Adonis takes to get to the
finish counteracts the smooth, subtle body of the match that Murdock and
Jerry established and gears the crowd up for the man-sized finish.
Murdock tags in and starts beating the hell out of Jack and- I SWEAR- it's
like watching Fit Finlay in Europe, because Murdock makes it look fucking
great and then he hits a fucking old school Elbow Drop and you realize
that EVERYBODY this side of Stan Hansen's Elbow Drop just sucks dick.
Adonis freaks as he flies into the corner in a heap. An Eye rake
later and Adonis takes to the top rope and misses a Fat Ass Splash
and Jerry goes for the Figure Four. Murdock is thrown to the floor
by Jack and while the ref is getting Jack out of the ring, Murdock makes
with the chair and Adonis gets the pin. This stuff was fucking great.
All four of these guys were motherfucking great and I'm glad to say that
I saw three out of four of them live when I was a kid (Murdock in Arkansas
in 1978, the Briscoes in Norfolk in 1979) and that I lucked into seeing
the actual Adonis on tape in Japan. Though not nearly enough.
That'll be my project for 2000.
~#~
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
AND YOUR WRESTLER
OF THE WEEK IS...... AJA KONG!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AJA
KONG vs. MANAMI TOYOTA (AJW V*TOP 1st Round, Tokyo Dome 11-20-94)
(POGO PETE STEIN):
It's a Ray Duffy Dream Match as
Aja beats the everlovin' bejeezus out of Manascreami in front of 40,000
people. Aja had one of the all-time great "ego" themes back then,
with the immortal chorus "When you want it for real, think 'Aja Kong.'"
Toyota attacks at the bell and gets a near-fall off a Toyota Roll, then
gets another near-fall with a sunset-flip/powerbomb off the top on Aja.
She heads up top and goes for a crossbody, but Aja *catches her* and hits
a suplex. HULK SMASH! Aja goes into Mother Mode as she's gonna
give Toyota a reason to scream with some lung-bursting kicks. It's
great because Toyota's wearing this outfit with a design on her stomach
that practically flashes "KICK ME HERE." Aja works over Toyota's
back with a Boston Crab and a camel clutch, then pulls off a neat spot
by slingshotting Toyota into the ropes and back over her knees. Toyota
gets a quick comeback with a reverse plancha off the ropes and heads up
top, but Aja catches her with a kick on the way down and *crushes* her
with the Aja Bomb. Aja flings her up but Toyota pulls off a dropkick
in mid-air. Toyota then gives Aja a NASTY kick to the face, but Aja
totally no-sells it and gives her one right back. IT'S CLOBBERIN'
TIME! Aja gooses the carnage up some more as she takes Toyota onto
the rampway, picks her up backbreaker-style and GROM ZAZAS her with a running
facebuster onto the ramp that pops the entire crowd. As if that isn't
enough, Aja drapes her against the ropes, heads up the ramp, charges 50
feet and toasts her with a spear. That knock on my door is courtesy
of Ray, soaking wet because he's just swam across the Hudson River to get
this tape. In-ring Aja hits a piledriver and a second Aja Bomb; Toyota
tries to come back with her infernal rolling cradle but Aja hiptosses her
off. She slams Toyota and heads up top, but Toyota knocks her to
the floor with a kick to the face and follows with the springboard plancha...
then heads back in, goes up top and hits a missile dropkick to the
floor. She then sets Aja up on a table, lays some slaps in, heads
up top and puts Aja through the table with a splash. Yes, it's the
1994 Toyota Comeback! Goes from 0 to Annoying in less than 15 seconds!
In-ring Toyota hits a moonsault for 2; Aja tries to come back with the
uraken but Toyota blocks it and hits the Japanese Ocean Suplex for 2.
She goes for it again but Aja drops her into the corner. Toyota goes
for the Toyota Roll again but Aja destroys her with a powerbomb and hits
a second-rope splash for 2 counts. She heads up top again but Toyota
catches her and hits a rolling prawn hold (tm 6MS) off the top for 2.
She unthinkably starts to go for the JOC, then decides against it and tries
for another moonsault, but Aja puts her feet up. Aja sets her up
top but Toyota knocks her off and hits a missile dropkick for 2.999.
Toyota goes back up top but Aja stops her; Toyota goes for another sunset-flip/powerbomb
only for Aja to OBLITERATE her with a buttdrop off the top for 2.
Toyota gets whipped to the ropes; she lands behind Aja, but Aja is ready
and hits her with the uraken. Aja is too dazed to make the cover,
but it's all academic as she picks Toyota up and hits a sort of brainbuster/Falcon
Arrow mutation for the pin at around 17 minutes. All kidding aside,
this is just an awesome match. Toyota apologists would get their
day the following March...
Aja
Kong/Bull Nakano vs. Akira Hokuto/Shinobu Kandori - 3/27/94: (SCHNIEDER)
The story of this match was built
around the teaming of antagonists Hokuto and Kandori, and their interaction
consisted of them slapping each other in the face to make tags (which is
still one of the cooler Parjehas Incredibleas things ever). However what
made me love this match so much, was the performance of Aja Kong. When
Aja was in the ring was Kandori, she worked at an ungodly level of stiffness.
Kandori is dubbed "the toughest man in women's puroresu" and Aja made it
her personal mission to test that title. Aja kicked her right in her jaw
while Kandori was sitting on the ground, and nearly jammed the point of
her toe through Kandori's back. She also delivered some brutal looking
punched to Kandori's face. Besides the interaction with Kandori, Aja also
had some great series with Hokoto, as she proved how great she was at working
with smaller wrestlers.
2/3 Falls WWWA Tag
Titles: Jungle Jack (Aja/ Bison Kimura) vs. Manami Toyota/ Esther Moreno
(Some time in1990): (DEAN RASMUSSEN):
This match is cool in a couple of
ways. Manami Toyota Is teaming with Esther Moreno from whom she copped
a bunch of moves in the creation of her own lucha-filtered style and- respectfully
to her mentor- Manami takes a back seat to the healthy highspot-addled
young Esther- until the final caida where Aja and Manami take the
forefront and hit the FREAKED-OUT "DIG THE NEW BREED" ending. Aja
is still formative as she follows the lead of Bison on how to wrestle heel.
The cool parts of this match involving Aja is that in the first caida,
Aja basically wrestles Monster heel- beating on Manami, showing how strong
she is, hitting lowgrade powermoves and I was beginnning to wonder where
the amazing wrestler that became Aja was. The second caida- after
the double Moonsault Finish on Bison (who I thought used to be hot (hey!
she was hot in all those Jd' intros) and who was never that great of a
worker, it seems)- the future Aja emerges as she starts by stretching the
living crud out of Manami with a half crab and they maul Manami's leg for
a while- but the Aja thing is that out of this, Aja sets up all the highspots
of the match as a reaction to the matwork- as an escape, as a transition
to Manami's offense- a transition that is based on the highspots of Manami
and Esther against the matwork and strength of Aja and Bison. It's
pretty cool stuff and Aja knew how to use this premise early in her career
and by the third Caida she is wrestling against type as she kills everyone
in the building with a ringpost Plancha. By the end, the super high-End
finisher by Aja shows the first glimpse of the true awesome force in Joshi
Puroresu that Aja would become- as Aja hits the TOPROPE LIGER BOMB and
Toyota takes it like a QUEEN. Aja was showing even here- in her second
year as a pro- that her grasp of wrestling psychology was fundamentally
sound and she also shows that her ability to wrestle out of the boundaries
of her size for the good of the match is proportional to her ability to
face her own personal setbacks and social obstacles with boundless grace
and courage. Aja fucking rules and we're lucky to be able to see
her wrestle.
*************************************************************
NEXT WEEK:
GAEA! OMEGA! SUWA vs SASUKE! LOTSA OTHER SHIT!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS.
six fists in the face
of wrestling
!
"Darling, I been your dog ever since
I've Been your man"
-SON HOUSE
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